This article came out of an audio recording, which I include in case someone prefers to listen.
When we try to solve a problem or control a problem, we also run the risk of affirming it. If I say that I am stronger than the aggressor, I am actually also confirming that there is an aggressor. For example, when I say that I have a solution, I also affirm that there is a problem that needs to be solved. This is a hidden thing.
I encourage you neither to affirm the problem or your ability to fight it nor to give up in despair. As an alternative, turn towards reality and face how things actually are. This means I begin by facing loneliness, illness, failures, etc. Such acknowledgement doesn’t mean I yield to something bad or shameful, but that I accept actuality. Stay with that without creating a story of hope, strength, personal capability, or despair.
It involves walking a thin line between two opposites. On one side of this edge is the determination that says, I will fight it, or I can fight it, or I’m stronger than this, or this is not really a big problem. That’s the side of willful control or domination towards the problem. Then, the other side is that I cannot do anything, I’m not good enough, it will overtake me, or I have a flaw or a matter of shame. The first was willful control, and the other was despair.
Between these two, between this willful hope and despair, there is this region of just looking without judgment, without creating a story of attack or helplessness. Just staying with it. And we don’t even have to make it a conscious thing. We don’t have to make an effort out of looking. Witnessing means allowing that this is it; this is who I am. If I can change anything, I’ll consider it, but if I cannot, I don’t even have to create a mental pattern of a story. I don’t have to strengthen myself to face it. It is what it is.
For example, my hair is turning grey. It is what it is. If I think more about it, I’ll only make it bigger than it needs to be.